Lying to Ourselves: Why We Do It and How to Stop
We all lie to ourselves sometimes. We tell ourselves things that aren’t true because it makes us feel better or helps us avoid facing a difficult reality. But why do we do it, and more importantly, how can we stop?
One common reason for lying to ourselves is to protect our self-esteem. When we make a mistake or fail at something, it’s often easier to blame external factors or make excuses than to admit that we messed up.
This can be damaging in the long run, as it prevents us from learning from our mistakes and growing as individuals.
As psychologist Carl Jung once said:
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
In other words, if we don’t acknowledge our own lies and delusions, they will continue to control us and shape our future.
Sometimes we lie to ourselves out of fear. We may be scared of the unknown or worried about what others will think of us.
In these situations, it’s important to remember that facing our fears and being honest with ourselves is the first step towards personal growth and fulfilment.
As author Brené Brown puts it:
“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.”
By being honest with ourselves about our fears and insecurities, we can start to overcome them and live more authentically.
Another reason we lie to ourselves is to maintain a sense of control. When things feel chaotic or overwhelming, it’s natural to try and create a false sense of order by distorting the truth.
However, this only provides temporary relief and can lead to even greater stress and anxiety in the long term.
Psychological theory can help us understand why we lie to ourselves. “Cognitive dissonance” theory, for example, suggests that we experience discomfort when our beliefs or actions are in conflict.
To reduce this discomfort, we may distort reality or ignore evidence that contradicts our beliefs.
In real life, this might look like a student who believes they are doing well in school despite receiving poor grades.
Instead of facing the truth, they might blame the teacher for being unfair or the material for being too difficult.
By confronting the reality of their situation, they can work towards improving their grades and academic performance.
So, how can you stop lying to yourself? The first step is to practice self-awareness. Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings, and try to identify when you’re being less than honest with yourself.
Keeping a journal or talking to a trusted friend can help you gain clarity and perspective.
Once you’ve recognised your lies, challenge them. Ask yourself why you’re avoiding the truth and what you stand to gain by being honest.
Remember that facing reality, no matter how uncomfortable, is the only way to truly grow and evolve as a person.
“Tell the truth, or at least don’t lie.” — Jordan Peterson
By being truthful with ourselves and others, we can build more meaningful relationships, make better decisions, and ultimately lead a more fulfilling life.
In conclusion, lying to ourselves is a common but ultimately self-defeating behaviour.
By understanding why we do it and learning how to stop, we can break free from the limitations of self-deception and embrace a more authentic and empowered way of living.
Thanks for reading
