How ‘Not’ to Raise a Snowflake
Fostering Resilience and Independence in Children
Let’s chat about ‘How NOT to Raise a Snowflake.’ A sensitive subject and maybe somewhat controversial but here’s my take. We’re not talking about those fluffy, frosty ones that make winter magical — we’re talking about the ‘snowflake’ label that’s been slapped on those who are less well prepared for the reality check of adult life.
As a parent of two we’ve learned the hard way and come out the other side proud of the young adults they have become. In a generation where their friends share ‘snowflake’ traits I reflect on the mistakes we made and learned to avoid this happening with our own children. It’s not an easy road but one well worth travelling.
What is a Snowflake?
The term ‘Snowflake’ has evolved for over a Century when it was first cited as a disparaging term towards those who were against the abolition of slavery in the late 1800’s. Since then it has evolved through a mix of prejudicial and political transformations of fascist and alt right leanings.
No matter which definition you choose , none convey a positive or complimentary meaning. In recent years, the term “snowflake” has been used to describe mostly young adults who are perceived as holding a combination of the following traits :
- selfish
- entitled
- lacking respect
- overly sensitive
- too easily offended
- lacking in resilience
- believe in feelings over facts
Snowflake misuse
Shannon Ashley writes about the use of the term Snowflake and how it can be used merely to insult those in disagreement. And I have to agree. Trying to effect debate by name calling never furthers the conversation productively.
Haters will always hate and the term ‘snowflake’ is yet another label such people will add to their vocabulary of abuse.
“It’s the traits recognised within a person that are key”
None of the traits are complimentary or beneficial and understanding these is more conducive to conversation than providing a generic label.
So if you’re a parent, guardian, or just someone who cares about moulding the next generation, and you want to avoid raising a child with these traits then read on.
Build Strength not Weakness
While it’s important not to stereotype an entire generation, there is a growing concern about the development of these traits in some children.
“Having mental strength to face reality and benefit society”
Building strength of character is a lifelong journey that involves cultivating essential qualities such as :
- integrity
- resilience
- compassion
- perseverance
It begins with self-awareness, understanding our values, and consistently aligning our actions with those values. It requires facing adversity with grace and courage, not fearing the admission of mistakes, learning from failures, and growing through challenges.
Strength of character is also about treating others with kindness and empathy, demonstrating respect, and being accountable for our actions. It’s being able to provide support to others while having the strength to seek out and achieve your own goals.
“It’s a commitment to becoming a better version of ourselves”
Ultimately it’s about continuously striving to uphold moral principles, and leaving a positive impact both for ourselves and the World around us.
As parents and caregivers, it’s essential to instill resilience, independence, and a strong work ethic in our children. Through the raising of these values you avoid instilling the negative traits of the ‘snowflake’. It’s a win-win for everyone!
Steps to Raising a Strong Independent Child
Let’s discuss how not to raise a snowflake and instead foster qualities that will help children thrive in a challenging world.
Here’s the Shortlist:
- Fragile Handle with Care: First up, don’t treat your kid like a porcelain doll with a ‘Fragile — Handle with Care’ sticker. Life’s a messy adventure, and they need to get bumped and bruised a bit to toughen up. Bandaids are badges of honor! Sign them up for Rugby or Football and a martial art or three.
This can be difficult as there’s nothing worse than seeing your child hurt or suffer. We have an inherent instinct to protect our child at all costs. But protection isn’t just short term. It’s about providing a level of independent self-protection for the child so they can be confident in facing adversity in later life without your support.
2. Pampering Overload: Avoid over-pampering them to the point where they expect room service in their own home. Teaching them to fend for themselves — even if it’s just making a PB&J sandwich — is essential. Now my kids are in their teens they’re hungry more often. They know if they want food they’ll have to cook it themselves… and they do!
(No ready meals in this house)
3. The Trophy Obsession: Not every participation deserves a trophy. Sometimes, your little one’s performance might not be worthy of an Oscar. It’s okay to say, “You did your best, champ!” without throwing a parade. I’ve given constructive criticism to my kids over the years while also telling them where they did great! They now want and ask for my opinion.
Tip: Before I oblige I ask for their opinion. “How do you think you did?”
Encourage honest self reflection through questions. “What do you think you could do better?”
Show them it’s ok to admit their failings and explain how they’re still learning and not expected to achieve perfection on day one!
4. Helicopter Parenting: Hovering over them like a helicopter won’t do anyone any good. Let them explore, make mistakes, and figure things out (within reason, of course). Just keep the first-aid kit handy!
This is really hard to do and you want to protect them at all times. I just keep telling myself that I can’t always be there for them and they need to learn early not later.
5. Bubble-Wrapped World: Don’t shield them from every little discomfort. Rain, sun, or a cold breeze won’t melt them. They’ll learn valuable life lessons from weathering the storms.
At my old school the teachers would call this “character building”. Cross country runs through the rain and snow in winter were not a happy memory but they did toughen me up.
I personally found it difficult when it was time to let the kids walk to school by themselves. I did it anyway but the worry I felt was always there. It will always be harder on those raising the kids than it will ever be on the child. Take the hit and your children will thank you for it, especially when it comes to them raising their own!
6. Social Media Sanity: Help them understand that the online world is not the be-all and end-all. Filters can’t filter out real life, and ‘likes’ don’t measure self-worth. Although I am quite strict when it comes to Social Media. I always tell them that anything you post on the internet is for life. There have been some issues! But that’s for another article!
7. Embrace Differences: Encourage them to embrace diversity, not shy away from it. Teach them that differences are what make the world interesting — like a buffet with a variety of flavors! Travel, go to festivals, try new things, people and places!
Understanding other cultures, values and beliefs is like providing them with a bigger menu of food to consider. Sample as many as you can and give them more choice.
8. Failure Is Not Fatal: Remind them that failure is not the end of the world; it’s just a plot twist in their life story. Laugh about it, learn from it, and keep moving forward. I never say I know a lot. I just say I’ve learned from my mistakes… and I’ve made plenty!
Remember questions help to soften the blow. Ask them what they could have done instead. Make sure they understand and have actually learned.
9. Spoonful of Resilience: Sprinkle a generous amount of resilience in their daily diet. It’s the superfood of life, it’ll help them bounce back from setbacks with a smile.
10. Laughter, the Universal Melt-Proof Shield: And finally, don’t forget to sprinkle humor on everything. Life’s too short to take it too seriously. Share a laugh, and it’ll melt away any snowflake tendencies in no time!
This method helps reduce the urge to protect their Ego. The ego often gets in the way of progress and serves no real purpose in life. Often you find people will continue to argue when proved wrong simply because their admission would feel like a dented ego. But why care? Better to show integrity and gain respect that defend an ego everyone can see is bruised.
Take Action
I. Encourage Independence from an Early Age
One of the keys to preventing the development of a “snowflake” mentality is to encourage independence from a young age. Children should be given opportunities to make choices, solve problems, and take on age-appropriate responsibilities. This not only builds self-confidence but also teaches them valuable life skills.
Start with simple tasks like dressing themselves, making their beds, or cleaning up their toys. As they grow older, gradually increase the complexity of their responsibilities. This approach helps children understand the importance of self-reliance and the satisfaction that comes from accomplishing tasks on their own.
II. Teach Resilience through Failure
Failure is a natural part of life, and it’s crucial for children to learn how to handle setbacks and disappointments. Shielding them from failure or always intervening when they face challenges can hinder their ability to develop resilience.
Instead, allow them to experience failure and guide them through the process of learning from their mistakes. Encourage them to persevere, set realistic goals, and understand that success often requires hard work and resilience.
III. Promote a Strong Work Ethic
Instilling a strong work ethic in children is essential for their future success. Teach them the value of effort, responsibility, and commitment. Avoid overindulgence and entitlement by not giving in to their every demand. Instead, encourage them to work for what they want, whether it’s earning an allowance through chores or working hard in school to achieve good grades.
IV. Foster Empathy and Compassion
It’s crucial to teach children to be empathetic and compassionate towards others. Encourage them to consider the feelings and perspectives of those around them. Engage in conversations about kindness, fairness, and the importance of helping those in need.
By nurturing empathy, children are less likely to become self-centered and more inclined to develop strong interpersonal skills. This, in turn, can help prevent the “snowflake” mentality.
V. Encourage Open Communication
Maintaining open lines of communication with your children is vital. Create an environment where they feel comfortable discussing their thoughts, concerns, and fears. This will help them develop emotional intelligence and problem-solving skills.
Avoid being overly critical or dismissive of their feelings, even if you don’t agree with them. Instead, provide guidance and support to help them navigate challenging situations and emotions.
Tip: If you can, take them for a drive. The Car has a secret weapon that magically gets your kids talking. And the bonus… you don’t even have to start the conversation, they will!
VI. Immerse in other Cultures
Experiencing different cultures, whether through international travel or inviting friends from varying backgrounds into our lives, has been a transformative and enriching journey for our family. Traveling abroad has not only broadened our horizons but also deepened our appreciation for the beauty of cultural diversity.
Immersing ourselves in local traditions and festivities has allowed us to forge connections and create lasting memories. Moreover, inviting friends from various cultural backgrounds into our home has opened doors to meaningful exchanges of ideas, customs, and perspectives.
These experiences have not only enriched our lives but have also taught our family the invaluable lesson that the world is a tapestry of unique stories and traditions, and understanding and celebrating these differences is what makes our global community so vibrant and beautiful.
VII. Emphasize Personal Responsibility
Personal responsibility is a cornerstone of preventing a “snowflake” mentality. Teach children that their actions have consequences and that they should take ownership of their choices and behaviors. Encourage them to think about the impact of their actions on themselves and others.
By instilling a sense of personal responsibility, children are more likely to make thoughtful decisions and understand that they have the power to shape their own destinies. This perspective empowers them to take control of their lives and become accountable, resilient individuals.
VIII. Provide Healthy Challenges
Challenge is essential for personal growth and development. It’s important to expose children to situations that require them to step outside their comfort zones and stretch their capabilities. This could be through sports, academic pursuits, or extracurricular activities.
Healthy challenges teach children perseverance, problem-solving, and the ability to adapt to new circumstances. Encourage them to set ambitious goals and support their efforts to achieve them. This fosters a sense of accomplishment and self-confidence that is crucial in preventing a “snowflake” mentality.
IX. Lead by Example
Children learn a great deal from observing the behavior of adults, especially their parents or caregivers. To prevent a “snowflake” mentality, it’s essential to lead by example. Demonstrate the values and qualities you want to instill in your children, such as resilience, empathy, and a strong work ethic.
Show them that it’s okay to make mistakes and that you can learn from failures. Model kindness, inclusivity, and responsibility in your interactions with others. Your actions and attitudes will have a significant influence on your children’s development.
X. Walk a day in their shoes
Teaching my son to see the world from another person’s perspective, to step into their shoes, is one of the most valuable life lessons I can impart. It’s not just about encouraging empathy, but also about fostering a deeper understanding of the diverse experiences and emotions that people may be going through.
By instilling this skill, I hope to empower him to approach relationships and conflicts with an open heart and an open mind, recognizing that everyone has their own unique journey and challenges.
It’s a lesson that extends far beyond childhood, guiding him to become a more compassionate, considerate, and socially aware individual who can bridge gaps and build meaningful connections in an increasingly interconnected world.
Summary
Raising resilient, independent children requires a balanced approach that includes nurturing their emotional well-being while preparing them to face life’s challenges. Avoiding the development of a “snowflake” mentality involves encouraging independence, teaching resilience through failure, promoting a strong work ethic, fostering empathy and compassion, and maintaining open communication.
It’s essential to remember that every child is unique, and parenting strategies may need to be adapted to meet individual needs. By instilling these core values and skills, parents and caregivers can help their children grow into confident, capable, and compassionate individuals who are well-prepared for the demands of the world around them.
