“Getting Along Better: Understanding and Handling Fights”
Conflict is a natural part of relationships. Whether you’re arguing with your partner about who forgot to take the rubbish out or disagreeing with a colleague over the direction of a project, fights can flare up in every aspect of our lives.
But, why do we fight? And more importantly, how can we handle these disagreements better to strengthen our connections with others rather than damage them?
Why We Fight: It’s All About Perception
At its core, a fight is a clash of perceptions, desires, or ideas.
“Most fights stem from unmet expectations or feeling misunderstood. It’s seldom about who is right or wrong.”
This insight points to the subjective nature of conflicts. Perhaps you’ve been in a situation where your significant other was upset because they felt you weren’t spending enough quality time together.
You, on the other hand, felt you were doing your best amidst a busy schedule. Here, the fight isn’t about the actual time spent together but the mismatch of perceptions and expectations.
Listening: The First Step Towards Resolution
Listening is crucial but often overlooked during fights. Instead of preparing your next counterargument while the other person is speaking, truly listen to their perspective.
Active listening involves nodding, making eye contact, and occasionally summarising what the other person has said to show you’re paying attention. It’s simple in theory but requires practice, especially in the heat of the moment.
Psychologically, active listening has its roots in empathy, allowing us to see the situation from the other’s perspective. This approach can significantly lower defensiveness on both sides, paving the way for a more amicable solution.
The Importance of ‘I’ Statements
In disagreements, using “I” statements instead of “you” accusations can change the tone from confrontational to cooperative.
Instead of saying, “You always ignore me when I’m talking,” you could say, “I feel ignored when I’m speaking and you don’t seem to be listening.”
This subtle shift puts the focus on your feelings rather than blaming the other person and makes it easier for them to hear your concern without feeling attacked.
Taking a Break: It’s Okay to Pause
When emotions run high, taking a break can be beneficial. Sometimes, this means physically removing yourself from the situation to cool down.
“There were moments when we would pause our argument and take a walk separately. When we returned, we both had a clearer head to discuss things calmly.”
This strategy is backed by psychological theory, suggesting that breaks can prevent our fight or flight response from taking over, enabling us to respond more rationally rather than emotionally.
Finding Common Ground: The Path Forward
After understanding and acknowledging each other’s perspectives, the next step is to find common ground.
This doesn’t mean one side conceding defeat but rather finding a mutually agreeable solution. Sometimes, this requires creativity and a bit of give-and-take from both parties.
Apologising and Forgiveness
Acknowledging your part in the conflict and offering a sincere apology can go a long way in healing a relationship. Likewise, being open to forgiving the other person is crucial.
Remember: Forgiving doesn’t mean you agree with what they did, but you are willing to move past it for the sake of the relationship.
Preventing Future Fights: Open Communication
To prevent future fights, establish open lines of communication. This means expressing your needs and feelings openly and respectfully before they snowball into a bigger issue.
Regular check-ins with your partner or team can help in this regard, allowing everyone to voice concerns in a non-confrontational setting.
Conclusion
Handling fights constructively is not about winning or losing but about understanding, respect, and growth.
By actively listening, using “I” statements, taking breaks when needed, finding common ground, and expressing ourselves openly, we can transform conflicts into opportunities for strengthening our relationships.
It’s not about being perfect but about being willing to learn and adapt for the sake of getting along better with those around us.
When Communication Stops, Division Rises.
Don’t fear Debate, Communicate.
Thanks for reading
